The Divorce
by Forever-Luke
Summary: Luke tries to kill Mara, because he is in love with another woman. But Mara survives and wants revenge. LM. OOC. AU. UNFINISHED
1. What the Hell are you talking about

**Please read author notes: **

**These are emails that I, my sister and our friend wrote between us. They are meant to be humorous and fun. **

**I had to write it in script form because fanfiction doesn't had colour, as the didn't people talking where identified in colour.**

I'm writing what Luke is saying.

**Our friend is writing what Mara is saying.**

**My sister is writing the words that are in between.**

**Hope you like it.**

Disclaimer: I (we) own nothing, but the craziness!

This is your daily talk show

"**WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT"**

with your host

**Goldie Devilton**

**GOLDIE:** Good evening and welcome to tonight show. We will be discussing four very important issues that everyone has been talking about.

_Bandaids are bad for your heath, so why do you eat them._

_Mara Jade Skywalker was hit by a train, because she was silly enough to get in its way._

_Chicken salads are better eaten through your mouth and not your ears._

And finally…

_Ropes are better tied tight and not loose, so your victims don't get away._

So now let's get on with the show!

Our first guest is Mara Jade Skywalker, so please make her feel welcome. (applause)

So Mara, some people think it was stupid to step in front of that train. What's your side of the story?

**MARA:** I was pushed!

**GOLDIE:** Uh ha, and why was that?

**MARA:** My husband wants to kill me because he claims that he is in love with another woman. I'll kill her if I find her!!

**GOLDIE**: Oh. So how do you feel the public has handled this incident?

**MARA:** Outraged! Not at the fact that my husband tired to kill me, but at the fact no one had thought of it before!

**GOLDIE**: Do you wish any where dead?

**MARA:** Of course, my husband and the idiot train driver who doesn't know what the brake is!

**GOLDIE:** How extensive was your injuries?

**MARA:** Extensive, but the doctors say I will be fine. (is basically bald)

**GOLDIE:** Oh, but you look quite, um, how should we say it, beautiful in a different way.

**MARA:** Stop your lying, I'm a Jedi I can tell!

**GOLDIE:** Would you like to say anything before we go?

**MARA:** Yes! Luke, I want a divorce!

**GOLDIE:** And there you have it people, an incredibly stupid or heroic woman. We've run out of time so until next time, this is goodbye, see you. (wave)

**If you liked it, please review and let me know.**

**My sister wrote this email to our friend and she filled it in with her comments (Mara), and the following emails started all because of "Luke, I want a divorce"**

**The divorce case is next if your interested.**


	2. Court Room

**Thank you to JadeTakashi and The X-filer for your reviews, here is the divorce case. If you wanted to review on the first part anonymously but couldn't, I apologize I did not realize that it was disabled. I have enabled it so if you want to review anonymously now you can. **

**This divorce case was started by The X-filer (my sister), and The Stormrider (our friend) and Forever-Luke (me) continued it. **

**Court House on Coruscant.**

**Divorce Case 355678**

**Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade Skywalker.**

_This hearing asks that both sides tell their story. Mr Skywalker you go first_.

**Luke: **Well I was walking down the street when I saw her, she was beautiful, even more so then my wife. We got to know each other better and I realized that she was the one for me. The only thing standing in my way was my anger ridden wife. So I decided to have her taken care of, I worked out a time and a date, all I had to do was wait.

The day came, things were ready. Mara was walking down the street, I lined up the train and well you know the rest, but I swear I didn't push her, that's what Jedi powers are for. Alas she didn't die, she lived, so here we are spending my money and time when this could have been easier if she had just died.

That's my side of the story, thankyou your Honour.

_Mrs Skywalker it's your turn._

**Mara: **Your Honour, I've tried to be a good wife. All I want is to have my husband come home from the academy and tell me that he loves me, but what do I get, huh? A workaholic who chases after the first female he sees, then he does not even have the courage to tell me that he wants to leave me. No, he had to push me in front of a train! Please your Honour send this man to the spice mines of Kessel where he belongs.

**Luke: **I OBJECT!

Your Honour, I object to this outrageous claim! I AM NOT A CRIMINAL! I was merely doing the will of the force! Oh and perhaps we should mention a man by the name that I will not speak, who she was seeing in secret. Tell me your Honour, if she can go out and see another man, why can't I see another woman.

I had every right to do what I did and as for not telling her that I was leaving. You try talking to THAT! (points at Mara) It's impossible.

_Settle down, settle down!_

**Luke:** And I also have reason to believe that my son (sniff) isn't my son! HERE…(holds up holo of Mara, baby Ben and a bald head man in black)

_Mrs Skywalker would you like to explain?_

**Mara: **Your Honour, it is obvious, that holo has been tapered with. Even the most junior level slicer could have done that. I have never seen that man in my life. And of course Ben is his, no one has eyes like a Skywalker and Ben has eyes like a Skywalker.

However I must confess that I was seeing someone … a counsellor! Your honour, my womp rat of a husband and I have been having marriage troubles for sometime now and I was trying to do something to get the old flame back. It seems to me that Luke only wants me when the whole galaxy is about to collapse and he needs me to bail him out! I am not perfect, but HE thinks he is. Well I've got another thing coming.

(holds up holo of a hooded Luke with yellow eyes)

Look at his eyes! He is on Drugs! My son is not safe to be with him!

**Luke: **(standing angrily) You sith forsaken…!

_**Luke's lawyer**: Your Honour, I would like to gag my client before he prosecutes himself, and me. I apply for a 15 minute recess to converse with my client._

_Approved, this case will continue in an hour._

TBC…

**Thank you for reading this. If you liked it and want more please let me know. **


	3. Court Room continued

**Thank you to JadeTakashi and FruitOBasketOCase for your reviews.**

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**Court House on Coruscant.**

**Divorce Case 355678**

**Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade Skywalker.**

****

**_Luke's lawyer:_** _Your Honour, I want to plead a case of insanity towards Mrs Skywalker as we have new evidence against her, involving her recent actions._

_What evidence is this?_

**_Luke's lawyer:_** _This holo was taken about seven days before the train incident. (holds up holo of a crazed hair Mara with lightsaber.)_

_Do you have anything to say Mrs Skywalker?_

**Mara:** Your Honour, I was merely defending my son's life. Luke came home one night utterly intoxicated and drugged, he was convinced that Ben was to become the next emperor. I had to defend my son. Your Honour, can you charge a woman for loving her son?

**Luke:** Oh, so it's the innocent act now, is it? I'll have you know that this woman is not taking care of our son as she claims to. Two months ago she spent half of my yearly paid in one day on making herself look more attractive for this other guy.

Here is the before and after holos.

(Holds up holos of Mara before and after her plastic surgery.)

And really it isn't much of an improvement, don't you think?

I just want it to be like before (sniff, sniff) we were so happy back then, I don't know what went wrong.

**Mara:** Oh I know what went wrong, you started chasing every female you sensed through the force! Saving the galaxy my ass. Do you really want our son to grow up like that? Our son will grow up as a model Jedi, not an ass chasing fool who uses his Jedi powers to get what he wants.

**Luke:** Model Jedi! Ha, is that why you're sending our son through assassin school, so he can be a model Jedi like you!

And as for the drugs, it was only a couple of spice sticks, not the heavy stuff that you sometimes take, and for the eyes, it was the dark side! She is obviously manipulating everyone in this court.

Oh and did she tell you that she almost murdered me while I was sleeping? She was having her nightmares again and was duelling in her sleep, I was almost sliced in half as a result, after that I had to padlock the lightsabers.

Oh and did she mention that she once overdosed Ben on caff. He didn't sleep for a week.

What kind of mother does that?

She doesn't even have a family to fall back on, unlike I who have a sister, a mother and a famous father who everyone admires.

And furthermore she use to work for that evil Emperor that went mad.

So tell me your Honour, if she deserves to raise my son.

**Mara:** I beg your pardon! Assassin school? Is that what you're calling the Jedi academy now, hmmm? Are you saying the darkside is not as bad as being on drugs? My nightmares, what about yours, that is why I took those sleeping pills so I could get some sleep!

I did not give Ben caff, YOU left it on the table where he could get his hands on it!

Big deal you have a family, let's talk about them. Leia, a workaholic like you, who doesn't have time for her family. Han, a rogue and pirate who has had more death threats in his life than the Empire has troops! What about your father, the most hated man in the entire galaxy! And no one knows who your mother is. I may not know my family, but I am sure they were not as dysfunctional as his!

**Luke:** The nerve of this woman! Did she tell you what happened last month?! For two days I was worried sick for my sons safety, all because she decides to take him off planet and not tell me about it. She did not answer my calls and she wasn't at the apartment when I came home to see Ben. For all I know he could have been kidnapped!

And when she did come home, Ben was dressed like some badass swoop biker with leather and chains, and even a pierced lip! How do you explain that!

Oh and here is something interesting. I found out from a very reliable source, her medical doctor, that she is pregnant. Why have another when she can't take care of the first? I also heard that she doesn't know if I'm the father or her so called lover.

And she complains that I'm on drugs, when she can't seem to live without her precious pills. As for the darkside, at least it doesn't destroy your brain cells…

_ENOUGH! I have heard enough! We are getting nowhere. I'm going to adjourn this case until another date. (brings hammer down.) Everyone is dismissed._

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**A big thankyou to all of you who have read up to the end of this chapter. I hope you have enjoyed it.**

**I'm afraid that this is the last of the court scenes at the current moment. We kind of stopped emailing each other on the court scene subject, but we did do some talk shows that continue on after this chapter if you're interested. Let me know.**


End file.
